January 12, 2008

 

12:46 am

 

I would update a lot more, but there really hasn’t been much going on. Since Lars left, I’ve just been watching movies, reading, and playing solitaire on my laptop while listening to music. It’s incredibly boring here. I’d go out side and take walks in the woods, but is been raining ever single day. It’s just like everyone said it would be, gray and rainy and miserable. It doesn’t bother me though. I thought it might, but it hasn’t gotten to me yet. I like the way it smells here when its been raining. The air is cold and crisp, and it smells fresh. It smells like pine trees and earth. I absolutely love it. It’s such a difference from what Florida smells like…yuck! Florida smells like salt and stale old swap water. I hate the way Florida smells…even on a cool day, it still smells like swamp.

 

Anyway, moving on. Today I decided to go in to town. I had no more movies to watch and was terribly bored just thinking about sitting here all day, so I left. I went into a few places, just to look around. They are having some crazy sales, but I really don’t need to buy anything. However, I did by some hair color (still blonde) and some bright pink nail polish for my toes. Right before I headed to the bus, I ran into a game store and bought The Sims 2 for my laptop. I figured it would help pass the time since I don’t really do anything constructive anyways.

 

I still don’t have an apartment, nor have I started my classes yet. This coming week I need to go and find the school (preferably with my cousin, because I have no idea where it is) and register for them…get all the information I need. I still don’t have a clue as to how many classes I’m taking or when they are. The way they have things set up back home is so much easier and makes so much more sense. It’s frustrating.

 

On a happier note, I figured out something today. Usually it’s FREEZING when I get out of the shower over here. Going from a hot shower to feeling like you’ve been plunged into a sub-zero freezer is not fun. The past couple of days, I’ve tried to figure out how the heating works in the rooms. There are two ways it can be done… or so I thought. This house is old and the heating system thingy is strange. Anyway, I pressed the right buttons and actually didn’t turn blue coming out of the shower. The bathroom was actually nice and toasty! I was thoroughly pleased with myself.

 

Tomorrow I am going over to visit my Aunt, Uncle, and cousins. Hopefully I’ll be able to spend most of the day there so I don’t have to figure out what to do with myself here at my Grandfather’s place.

 

I really want to get into the swing of things. It feels like I’m just in limbo. Nothing seems sure. I was thinking that it might have been better to have left a lot later to come here….but then I wouldn’t have seen my wonderful Lars. The extra boring days are worth it I think, just for that sake :)

 

That would be another reason I want to know about school. That way I could figure out when I could next visit him. Its only been a week, and I miss him lots!

 

I think its about time for me to go to bed. I’ll try to keep more up to date!

 

Later :)

January 6, 2008

6:20pm

 

Lars.

 

Like I said, Lars was going to stay with me from the 30^th – 3^rd.  We actually really hit it off so he decided to stay until today, the 6^th. That means I’ve had a week of Lars :) 

 

Its been really good. We more or less spent the week in bed…watching movies, listening to music…other..stuff…

 

Anyway, Lars is fantastic. It honestly couldn’t have gone any better. I have a Norwegian boyfriend! I’m happy :)

December 29, 2007

12:37pm

 

 

 

I just woke up.  I’m still having trouble finding the right sleep pattern. Either that, or I’m just anxious about this whole Lars thing.

 

I did talk to him yesterday. The whole conversation was just a roller coaster of emotion. He said yes, he’s coming. That made me so incredibly happy :)  At first when he had said that he had decided to come, he hadn’t yet booked the train tickets. So, when he went to do so…they were sold out…and then he couldn’t find anything that would let him stay for a few days. Talk about a let down. He did manage to find something in the end, however. He’s taking a train from his parents’ to Oslo, then flying to me in Sweden…then on the way back he’s flying to Oslo again and then taking the train back to school.  I asked him if that was gong to be a hassle for him…he said “yes, but you’re worth it.”  :D  Happy face!

Now I just need to figure out how to go and get him at the airport. I have to find a bus or something, because I still cant drive a stick. I’ll figure it out.

 

That’s all for now I guess.

 

Later :)

 Written December 28, 2007

Tired  11:28

 

 

So now I’ve been here a few days.  Hmm…whats happened.  Yesterday, after not being able to sleep very well, I woke up at noon. Pretty much as soon as I had gotten dressed, my grandfather drove me over to my cousins’ house. I was glad for it, to say the least. I mean, I don’t really mind being here with my grandfather, as I’m more or less left alone…but it does get kind of boring. So anyway, I was over at my cousins’ till about 10:30 that night. I pretty much just kinda sat around and entertained Åsa, who is my 13-year-old girl cousin. Shes really cute, she looks up to me a lot. I actually have fun with her, despite the big difference in age.

 

So, while I was there I managed to find msn, and Lars was there! That made me happy. I talked to him for a good while. I’ve missed him very much. I didn’t  know how I would feel about it, after not being attached to him or have access to some kind of communication with him. Some time apart is good I suppose, I mean it did let me figure out if I actually really liked him, or if I just liked having someone to talk to and stuff. At least that is settled :) 

 

Part of the reason I couldn’t sleep the night before last was because I was too busy being nervous about him. You see, yesterday is when he said he would know if he was going to come and visit me over New Years. I’ve really been look forward to it, but at the same time I’ve been trying not to get my hopes up. I mean… I do tend to get excited about things. So. He said he had talked to his brother about our entire situation and said he got some ‘pointers’, whatever that means. BUT. He still didn’t know. Today at 5pm I will know. We had to set up a time to make sure we were both on at the same time. So again, I couldn’t fall asleep last night. I am so incredibly anxious about it. I’m trying to stay calm, but its proving to be very difficult. I just want things to go well and for him to come over and for him to like me and vise versa and and and….I just want us to work. Ok, I’ll get a grip now. Excuse me.

 

On another note, I went to the bank today to set up an account.  I got that whole thing figured out for the most part…I just need something from my mother in order to access my savings account, which is a pain in the ass I might add. I just need some money in the account before I can commit to an apartment, but I cant do that until my mom sends over something. It’s annoying. I haven’t talked to her yet about it, but then again its 6am in Florida.

 

Nothing else going on today I don’t think. I guess I should eat something eventually, but otherwise I’ll just read a book or take a nap or something.

 

Later :)

Written December 26, 2007

7:11 pm

 

 

 

So the flight over wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. The flight we took this summer to Sweden was absolutely horrible. I thought I was going to maybe have a hard time with it since I was flying alone, but it didn’t bother me as much as I had predicted.

 

So the flight over to Detroit wasn’t too bad. The plane didn’t have very many people on it, so I ended up getting a seat between the person I was next to.  The down side was that the guy in front of me had his seat back the ENITRE time. It was really annoying, considering I had to have the magazine I was reading an inch from my face….grr…

 

Detroit to Amsterdam went well too.  Waiting for the plane to come wasn’t as fun, but it never really is. There were a lot of people in Detroit…bleh. Anyway, on the plane I got the window seat for the second time, and I ended up sitting next to another girl a few years older than me. There was some pleasant chitchat to start off with before take off, but as soon as the plane leveled off, I put in my headphones and kind dozed off for an hour.  After that I ended up watching Ratatouie, The Invisible, and Stardust. We ended up being about 45minutes early in Amsterdam. I was thrilled with this because I already had 4 hours I needed to spend there. I like the Amsterdam airport, but the layout is really stupid. Its like, no matter where you land, you have to walk for three years to get to your next gate. It took 20 minutes for me to walk to my next gate. I thought id have to wait a long time for customs and things like I had in London this summer, but it took all of 2 minutes. That’s why I had picked a 4-hour layover in Amsterdam, versus only 2 hours. That’s my luck I suppose.

 

In the end, I did finally end up in Sweden. My cousin Eric dropped me off at my grandfather’s house and after I said hi and stuff to my grandfather I half passed out for an hour. Since it was Christmas Day, the whole family was going to come over for dinner. SO. After sleeping only 2 hours the night before I left Florida, the hour on the plane I was only semi-conscious, and the hour in bed, 11 people came over. It was fun to see everyone and stuff, but I was just a total zombie.

 

Today I went into town with Richard, his girlfriend, Henke and Viktor. It was really nice to see them :)  There were a million people there. That wasn’t so fun but hey, it got me out of the house. I just followed them around in a half-zombiefied state. I got home at about 4 and started to unpack all my things, and went on the internet fast to check my mail and some other things. Now I’m here, sitting in bed and writing this in a word document. Least you are all now up to date. I must say that this is a lot easier than hand writing everything in a journal.

 

Changing gear a bit now.  Tomorrow I get to know if Lars is going to come and visit me for New Years or not. I really want him to come. I want him to come, and I want us to be just like we usually are. As usual, I have fallen hard and fast for this one. Before I left, he said he had to talk to his brothers about the whole thing, since he hasn’t had anyone to talk about me with. I guess he needs to sort out his thoughts about it. I mean, Cindy and Jess….you guys know everything about the situation so…its only fair. I’m just worried that his bothers will be a little iffy about it…they are 29 and 30. I don’t know how open-minded they are about things. The decision to come over so soon was a bit unexpected and a little hurried. I hope they don’t give him too much grief about it. But, yes….I reeaaaaally want him to come! I’ll be sad if he doesn’t. I guess he’d still come over eventually but, not until I got my own place to stay. I have no idea how long that’s going to take though. See, there is another thing to worry and panic about. Ug.

 

Its 8:00 and I’m ready to go to bed. I really shouldn’t, I slept for 15 hours last night. I think I’ll go read something till its and acceptable bed time hour.

 

Ciao!

 

 

 

 

I have a bit of a situation.

Lars and Sean. The Norwegian and the Scotsman.  Dilemma, dilemma, dilemma.

Sean was great to talk to after the whole mess of a situation that is Ron. I thought I was being more careful this time around, but I guess I wasn't careful enough since i ended up in the long distance situation again. Its been a lot of fun and what not talking and being with him. So much so that I have a plane ticket for the beginning of January, but you already know that. Right now I really don't know if I still want to go. I need to talk to him about it but, there really hasn't been a whole lot of time as of late I suppose. Besides, I feel that I might become too much If I mention it again, but it really does need to be sorted out and planned and everything before I leave.

So, that Norwegian...Lars. I know I said I would hinder him, and I really tried...I just couldn't.  After I kind of mentioned it to Cindy and Jess I told him that he was really great, but he had just come at the absolutely wrong time. At this point I was under the assumption that he knew about the kind of relationship I had with Sean. Anyway, while Sean was at work I would hang out with Lars and then run to Sean when he came home. I sensed that Lars wasn't too happy about it or thought it was awkward...this is when I guessed he wanted us to progress in a more than friends sort of way.

So I told Sean about it.

We had both noticed that when the three of us were together, Lars would be kinda moody and snappy. So then Sean really got the hint. He said I needed to have a talk with Lars and sort things out, so I did.

He didn't know about my situation with Sean. He admitted that he was really starting to like me and wanted things to continue as they had been and was hoping that it would develop into something more, but didn't want to make it difficult for me or Sean. He said that he was going to try and remain as neutral as he could and thought we shouldn't let it get strange between us. This was such a relief. But, that just made it really hard for me as well.

In the end, I really am swaying towards the Norwegian. I had my doubts about Sean in the beginning and getting to know Lars better just confirmed a lot of things for me. Lars knows the entire situation, and he said hes not bothered waiting for me to figure it out and wouldn't influence my decision as best he could. Sean only knows that we are strictly friendly and that Lars has a thing for me.

Thing is. I have chosen Lars. And this makes me feel absolutely horrible. You would think that I would be the least likely person to be in this situation. I'm just an absolutely awful person for continuing after Lars. Now I don't know what to tell Sean. I'm unsure how he feels about me now. Things have died down quite a bit since the beginning, but maybe thats just how he is. I need to know what is going on with him to see if I should now even go to Scotland. What I really want to happen, is for me to visit him and then we both realize that it really couldn't work out between us because we are too different and are in two different places in our lives. I think we are just after different things and have different priorities in life. He is still so incredibly wonderful though, and thats what makes it suck.

I just want it to be ok between Sean and I at the end of this. But I really don't know if things can not be awkward. This whole situation is a mess, and its tearing me apart. I never meant for it to go this way. It just sort of happened and now I feel incredibly guilty and horrible and all other kinds of bad things.

I think part of my problem is that I am way too optimistic about some things. I always think things are going to work out, and when they don't it really gets me down. I'm trying so hard to keep a level head about this entire thing, but I honestly don't think its possible. I just hope that everything will not crash and burn. I think thats about all I can do for the moment.




On a side note:

This is where I will keep my updates from now on, I think. I'll just be better about it than I was the last time I went to Sweden.


I think Mr. Jack Daniel and I are going to go sit in a corner now or something.